After the First Week

I honestly thought that the weeks would get easier as time progressed. When I first was told about my son’s death, I thought I would die of nothing more than grief that day. I mean what kind of heartache could be any harder than losing someone you love? The first few days, even the first week was filled with so many things to do. Things like decisions on funeral arrangements, pallbearers, obituaries, and thank you cards really kept our whole family busy. None of us really had time to grieve, especially the first few days. I honestly thought the first week would be the hardest. But now I am realizing for me it really wasn’t. For me, the hardest days come after the first week, when you have time alone to think about things and all the memories come rushing in like a football defensive team. It’s in the later weeks that you don’t recieve as many supportive phone calls, visits, and messages. Some people start acting like you should be over your grief and you need to just move on. But when lose a loved one, it is not that easy. I am learning that it is going to take time to finally accept that my son is never coming back home to me. There is no time limit on grief. Bereavement is an ongoing process and struggle. You don’t “just get over it.”  The pain stays with you. It might get easier to bear in time, but the emptiness inside your heart from your loss will always be there. That is at least what other people who have been grieving for years has told me anyway. I am still new to this all. It is week 3 for me. I am praying constantly to God for guidance in this world without Austin. The only true thing that gives me peace about my son’s death is knowing he is not missing me, or sad. He is in paradise smiling down on me without any misery or pain.

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